Sunday, May 10, 2009

A Better Class of Asshole

About a week ago I heard some repeated irregular banging noises around 2am, followed every few minutes by some cheers. Some drunks had obviously improvised some type of game. This went on about 30 min, but I couldn't really see where they were and wasn't interested in making my first call to the cops just yet. Plus, 2am is just after the bars let out here. Not too too horrible.

About 10 after 4 this morning I was awakened by the same noises, and thought "Oh HELL no."

So I grab my ridiculously strong flashlight and go out on the balcony, which is three stories up. I see four guys on the next block: two teams of two tossing rocks into some containers. Exactly what I thought--the type of thing that would be incredibly boring sober, but was probably pretty challenging to this crowd.

I train the light on them. "GUYS! YOU'RE KILLIN'" ME! IT'S 4A.M.! CALL IT A NIGHT!"

They all look up, don't say a word (as if being quiet will make me go away, even though I have 120 lumens on them). They're shielding their eyes to try to see. I keep the light on them.


Then they actually picked up their stuff and left, without saying a word. They didn't stomp off, or even look put out. They weren't upset, but realized they were inconveniencing people.

Never ever ever would that have worked back East.

I love Portland. Even the drunken assholes can be reminded of their innate polite streaks.